Rape

Do women really have rape fantasies? If so, is it right?

In a June 2003 Cosmopolitan article, a woman asked advice on what she should
do after things didn’t go as expected in a consensual fantasy of hers. She
wanted to role-play rape, the boyfriend cooperated but did not stop when she
told him to; it was a rape fantasy after all to him too.

In the article, she claims she was upset and was no longer attracted to her
boyfriend sexually, and she even considered legal action against him.

In today’s culture a woman’s accusation of rape can destroy a man’s life, so
it’s a bit disturbing when a woman has a fantasy of being raped. As for this
woman, one thing is clear: she really didn’t want to be raped.

Why would a woman want to role-play the terrible act of rape in the first
place? Does trying to act out rape to have good sex leave too much room for
error and damage? Erotic desires are natural for lovers, but is the desire
to be raped natural or has the word “rape” been used incorrectly for too
long to describe a fantasy?

The Cosmo article went on to say “Rape is a crime, but strangely enough, it’
s also a somewhat common female fantasy. Rape is about surrendering control”
(p.80).

Isn’t rape about having no control? Do these “common females” even
understand what rape means? If a woman controls the terms of the fantasy
then she has certain control of the situation, which is the antithesis of
rape. Furthermore, women who express a “rape fantasy” of sorts, usually are
quick to point out they in no way condone real rape - well is it a good idea
to gloat about “rape fantasy” then?

As part of a lengthy discussion on takeninhan[dot]com one writer said this
about rape fantasies “I’ve always had rape fantasies. I like to read rape
erotic fiction too.” She then said, “I know I would hate actually being
raped. In fact, I would not hesitate to try and kill a stranger who tried to
rape me, but then, most real rapes have nothing to do with sex and
everything to do with violence.” Though she has so-called rape fantasies,
she apparently knows how bad rape is in reality despite the fantasy novels.
So is it normal to have a fantasy that might involve such hostility as
wanting to kill a man? It sounds less erotic and more psychotic. What about
those erotic fiction and romance novels that glorify rape? Do they encourage
healthy relationships or instead promote unrealistic behavior that could be
damaging to people, like the couple in the Cosmopolitan article?

If women grow up reading books and articles that make rape sound romantic,
or if a woman does not get enough male attention in life, she may fall into
the trap of wondering how rape would feel. Do women really want to be raped?
Or are they just hungry for a man to dominate and take them?

“Maybe more women can be guided in a rational way of what their supposed
rape fantasy actually means. What it really means is they like a man to
adopt his natural role as a leader, which they have been starved of; it does
not mean they want to be treated like an animal, violently invaded, and
raped.” - Amber Pawlik

Many women have desires to be dominated by their man. Women desire strong
men, but most importantly they want a man to show love during the passion of
sex. That is more likely a very common fantasy for women, to be taken by a
lover, to feel dominated and controlled, but in a controlled, intimate
atmosphere. However domination fantasy and wanting to be taken are something
completely different from rape.

Do we want to continue to advocate rape fantasy today? Shouldn’t we think
about what’s appropriate? We should consider the thousands of women whose
lives have been forever changed by rape. There are also thousands of men who
have been falsely accused of rape; they either sit in a federal prison, or a
social prison of condemnation. Why continue to toy with the word ‘rape’ when
it is so destructive? If it’s ok for a woman to have a rape fantasy, is it
then ok for a man to have rape fantasies also?

Perhaps it’s about time women who say they have rape fantasies stop thinking
about what they think they want, and start thinking about what’s right.
There are countless numbers of children who depend upon the decisions we
adults make today. If we give children the message that women have fantasies
about rape, what will that teach boys and girls growing up? If boys get the
confused idea that women might want to be raped, how is that fair to them or
the women they may harm later?

The point is that rape fantasy seems wrong no matter how you look at it. It’
s not good for society or for families. Instead of telling women to be free
with their fantasies, we need to teach them some self-control. We also need
them to understand that the natural desire for a man’s attention does not
justify a rape fantasy.

Today featured rape fantasy gallery