Rape

I saw his eyes again, staring at me through my bedroom window. I could feel them first; sense his gaze as though it was as tangible as a spring breeze. The darkness outside was oppressive and he was little more than a pale face against a black backdrop so encompassing that he almost melted into it completely. Where were the street lamps? Or the headlights of passing cars? Neither belayed the shadows and I lay there quietly, trying to pretend I didn’t notice him.

There was a feeling in my stomach and chest; a feeling I couldn’t describe adequately. The situation was beyond terrifying. His presence made me ill. It was disturbing and disgusting and any number of other adjectives that describe a person in a state of unrest. My room had always been a sanctuary for me; a haven against the plights of the world but now, it had become a prison. It was a place that I feared against all rational thought and it was all thanks to Jimmy Callum.

I met him at the mall one weekend with several of my friends from school. I attended an all girl’s Catholic school and so our only culture with boys was to be found at the food court a short bus ride from my house. Finally, at the age of eighteen, I could go shopping sans parent. That little freedom, however limited, was greatly cherished.

The first time I saw Jimmy I instantly thought he was the coolest guy on the planet. He was standing there brooding amidst a gaggle of boys talking spiritedly about something. His black jacket swept the floor and long, dark locks of hair danced before those blue eyes I had once thought so gentle and kind, now loathed for the stuff that nightmares are made of.

Jimmy looked at me as I sat there staring at him over my drink and for the briefest of moments, a smile played at those thin, inviting lips. I was smitten.

Even so, a full week passed before we actually spoke. We bumped into each other as two friends and I walked out of a CD store and I dropped my bag in the process. As Jimmy and I crouched down to collect my things, I felt like I was living a romantic comedy. Only Jimmy didn’t chuckle nervously or apologize profusely. He just caught my gaze and offered a tiny smile.

“Are you alright?” He asked while handing me back a lipstick I had just purchased.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” I assured him. “I just didn’t have a good hold of it, that’s all.”

Jimmy nodded, rising to his feet. “My name’s Jimmy Callum.” His hand was extended and I took it as I stood.

“Beatrice Hendricks,” I answered with a smile. “But people call me Bea.”

“I’ve seen you around here a lot but never at school. You don’t go to Baker?”

“No,” I sighed. “I attend St Audri’s.”

“Oh,” Jimmy nodded slowly. “Isn’t that all girls?”

“Yep,” I shrugged. “Not a lot of variety.”

“I wouldn’t think so, no.” He took a step back. “Want to get a bite to eat? I’ll buy.”

My friends were watching nearby and were on the verge of breaking down to a fit of excitement-filled giggles. I spared them a quick glance before smiling at Jimmy. “Sure, why not?”

That was too much for my friends and they hurriedly left to chatter amongst themselves.

Jimmy started away as if he knew that I would follow without prompting. Of course, he was right. I felt so cool that he had asked me—my first date, even if it was just down the hall to the food court for a plate of Chinese I’d had forty million times. Against all the odds of ever having such a chance, here I was about to have dinner with a boy.

We talked for almost two hours. I almost missed my bus home and as I hurried to catch it, he jogged along with me to see me off. I watched him from the window as the bumpy ride began and sighed the whole way home as thoughts of what could be danced at the edges of my imagination.

That night I dreamt of Jimmy in ways that I knew were not improper but I clung to them anyway. The days that followed ended up being swamped with homework so I couldn’t see him and there was no way for him to call (my parent’s would’ve killed me) but finally, on Friday night I was able to go to the mall again and sure enough, Jimmy was there.

When he saw me, he immediately dismissed himself from his friends and approached, waving as he drew nearer.

“Hey Bea,” He said. “I missed you. You been busy?”

“Yeah,” I frowned. “Stupid homework.”

“Oh, that sucks.” Jimmy plunged his hands into his pockets. “You uh… want to hang out?”

“Sure,” I looked around. “Where at?”

“We can go back to my house if you want,” He offered a reassuring smile. “My parents said they might go out too so maybe we could go watch a movie or something? I drive… I can take you home whenever you need to go.”

I was apprehensive but for all the wrong reasons. My parents were foremost on my mind and I didn’t know how I’d explain to them my arrival in a strange car. Furthermore, they might call to check up on me or even offer to give me a ride home. I had a cell phone just to keep in contact with them but despite all of that, I really wanted to hang out with Jimmy.

“My parents wouldn’t be very happy if they saw me with you.” I said honestly. “They said I can’t date until college.”

“Who says they have to know?” He winked at me.

“You… don’t mind?”

Jimmy waved his hand dismissively. “Not at all. I’ll drop you off down the block if it helps.”

“Okay then,” I nodded. “Let’s go!”

Jimmy extended his arm and I looped my hand in it as we left. His car was a brand new convertible—his parents were apparently quite well off. The house he took me to wasn’t enormous but it was by no means typical either. Two and a half stories, a huge garage, a gorgeously kept yard and more flowers than the natural garden park near my school.

To that point, everything seemed perfect. He was attractive, his family was well off, and he was nice… Had I won the ‘male lottery’ and scored that one in a million person? The one that I was supposed to be with the rest of my life? My eyes swept over his athletic frame as he took off his coat. He was thin but well built; more of a man than a boy. His arm had been firm when I took it in my hand and he had a powerful masculinity to him that seemed to speak to me somehow. Flowery praise aside, he was amazingly hot. Was this what attraction felt like?

I sat down on a plush leather sofa as he walked over to a wall of DVDs, gazing over titles. “What do you want to watch?” He asked without turning. “We have a little bit of everything so just name it and we’ll see if I’ve got it.”

“You can pick.” I said, admiring the huge plasma screen they had mounted over a set of shelves. They had a theater surround system and some of the most gorgeous artwork on the walls that I’d ever seen. I found myself wondering what Jimmy’s parents could possibly do to afford such splendor. “Just nothing too violent please.”

I think he audibly smirked at that but nodded, picking a disk a few moments later. Popping it in, he moved over to sit beside me, placing the TV controller on his knee. “Has anyone told you that you’re gorgeous, Bea?” He positioned himself to get a better look at me, sitting nearly sideways on the couch.

I blushed and turned away. “You’re just being nice.” I countered, unsure how exactly to respond and not sound like a complete amateur school girl

“Not at all,” His hand strayed to my shoulder and that brief little contact filled my chest with what I could only describe as longing. But beyond that, he was a perfect gentleman. We watched a movie, talked and he took me home a good twenty minutes before my curfew. As I said… it was so perfect.

We met like a dozen times: me going to his house for videos and dinner. It was like our own private sanctuary where we could talk about anything. He was so intelligent and thoughtful and the better I got to know him, the more interesting I found him to be. His parents were doctors—his father a psychiatrist and his mother a clinical doctor. It explained their wealth easily enough but I had never actually met them.

The last time we got together was a truly difficult situation to describe. It started out much as it always did: we met down the block from my house and he drove us to the store where we loaded up on snacks and drinks for the evening to come. His house was typically vacant and we sat down and started to watch television but this time, Jimmy was sitting closer to me than he had ever before.

I was wearing a dark skirt that ended just above my knees and short white socks with buckled shoes. My blouse was a new addition I thought he might like to see me in. It was silky and nearly glowed in the right light. Without any pockets, it flowed about my form and showed off my tone and rather shapely body. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea about some kind of impropriety but I did want to look nice for him—to impress him. I think it worked.

Our knees touched and I turned to him feeling… I don’t know what. His eyes found mine and I was drawn into them. Before I knew what was happening, we were moving closer to one another, my eyes closing as our lips made the softest contact.

At first, it was as if we weren’t even kissing. He was so gentle and soft, it was like we were teasing each other. His hand came up to gently trace a pattern on my cheek and my breath caught in my throat. I felt his tongue brush against my lips, urging them to part and soon we were locked together in a passionate kiss, my arms about his neck.

I don’t know how long we made out like that before his hand moved around from my back to my side, snaking up with maddeningly slow. Finally, his fingers found my nipple through my shirt and my whole body reacted. I felt hot ‘down there’, and he masterfully tickled my breast through my shirt. Before he moved over to the opposite side, I was uncomfortably aroused but totally confused.

This was a sin… we shouldn’t be doing this but surely there was no harm in kissing? No harm in subtle touching? In sharing a moment of passion without sex? That’s all he wanted… just to be close to me—to take our relationship to the next level of comfort. So we could kiss upon seeing each other and hug… hold hands. We were breaking down a barrier. That’s all. Wasn’t it?

It was hard to think but when his hand landed on my bare knee, moving with the same surety that he had found my breast a few moments before, I panicked. I didn’t want to stop—I was so excited I could burst but at the same time years of training and religious conviction was screaming at me how wrong it all was. I couldn’t let it go any further—I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I couldn’t, in good conscience, go through with what he obviously had on his mind.

I pulled away with some obvious effort and he looked stunned. “What’s wrong?” He asked breathlessly, head tilted curiously.

“I can’t, Jimmy…” My head was light and I crossed my legs in a vain attempt to get comfortable from how wet I’d gotten. “I just can’t.”

“Can’t?” He repeated. “Why not? What’s wrong?”

“Jimmy… I can’t have sex until I’m married.”

“What?” The tone in his voice didn’t contain any of the kindness that I had come to know from him. “What kind of bullshit is that? You expect me to believe that you dressed like that and now you won’t fuck me? What the fuck?”

“Jimmy…” I started but he interrupted.

“No, don’t ‘Jimmy’ me Beatrice. You fucking

Catholic girls are supposed to be fucking easy. Why the fuck else would I have even bothered with your stupid ass? You’re about as interesting as a bag of rocks. I just wanted to get my cock wet but since I guess that shit ain’t happening tonight, you can just get the fuck out.”

His outburst shattered me. My lips quivered in search of a response but the only thing I could do was start to cry. “But—“

“You heard me bitch!” He shouted, pointing for the door. “Get the fuck out!”

I grabbed my coat and ran for the door, running the first several blocks before giving fully into my sobs. How could he be such a jerk? How could he snap like that? It wasn’t fair. I had thought he was so nice… so mysterious and intelligent. I thought he cared about me. How could he want nothing more than sex?

That night, I lay awake all night, crying myself to illness. I didn’t get out of bed on Saturday and only barely made it to church on Sunday. I didn’t dare tell anyone what happened. I lied and said that I just didn’t feel well—a cold coming on. To explain my problem would be to tell my parents that I’d lied to them for the last couple of months. My heart was already breaking—I didn’t think they needed to make it worse with a punishment.

When did he start coming to my window? I’ve forgotten now. I’m too terrified to talk about it. Though I don’t remember the date, I remember the experience. I knew something was wrong—could feel it in my marrow. It was like waking up right before you have to throw up. I just knew something was wrong. I rolled over, sleepily and peered through half closed eyes at the window.

I nearly screamed.

He was just standing there motionless, watching me with an expressionless gaze. It was the most obscenely macabre thing I’d ever seen in my entire life and yet somehow I knew that I couldn’t react. To do so would be to entice him to action; like the Tell Tale Heart’s would be criminal waiting to see his dreaded nemesis eye. It took all of my will to avoid noticing him.

Who could I tell? Whatever authority figure it got back to would have to know the whole story and then I’d be in trouble. All the times I’d gone to his house would condemn me. Did I lead him on? Maybe. How was I supposed to know? What did he want?

I was afraid to walk to school or to come home alone. My life became furtive glances over my shoulder and fumbling with keys to get in the house. When I woke up on Friday morning, I swore I would tell someone on Saturday if he did it again that night. This had to stop. I couldn’t go on that way anymore.

My parents were surprised I was staying in as they finally of all nights decided to go out. I couldn’t remember the last time they had done such a thing and much as I wanted them to stay, I couldn’t really say anything. After all, if Jimmy didn’t show up, there’d be nothing to tell—having them stay home would just worry them and then I’d be telling them… for nothing.

I sat in front of the TV an hour after they left, flipping through channels listlessly. There was nothing to do and I was anxious about the pending evening. I was dressed in white pajamas with nothing underneath. Underwear was entirely too confining to sleep in.

There was nothing I wanted to snack on, nothing to occupy myself so I decided to turn in early. I went into my bedroom with a sigh, flipping on the light switch… before screaming in startled terror.

The face wasn’t at the window this time. He was standing in front of the window… inside. Eyes wide, I backed toward the door but slammed into the jam. Jimmy bolted across the room, grabbing my arms before I could realign and get out the door. I opened my mouth to scream but something cold pressed between my breasts.

“Do it and I shut you up permanently.” His voice was hard, nothing like the kind man I thought I knew.

“What do you want?” My voice was a broken sectional of terror, the tone of which brought a cruel smile to the face I’d come to believe couldn’t express anything after our last meeting in person.

“I told you Catholic girls were supposed to be easy.” Jimmy said in feigned sweetness.

“Please,” I said. “Please, just go and I won’t say anything… I won’t tell anyone. Just leave and we’ll forget all about this… okay?”

“Jesus Christ, you’re a fucking stupid bitch.” He turned me and forced me to sit on the bed, keeping his knife on my chest. “You’re not going to tell anyone regardless of what I do. You understand me?”

I merely nodded. Was I supposed to defy him? He was insane. I didn’t want to push him any further than he had already gone.

“Nice pajamas.” He said. “Be a shame if I had to ruin them.” When I didn’t take his hint, he sighed in frustration. “Take the fucking pajamas off you stupid whore.” He shrugged. “Or I’ll cut them off if you prefer.”

Shaking like a leaf in a rain storm, I started to pull my top off, getting it over my head and dropping it on the bed. “Damn,” I heard him mutter. “Your tits look a hell of a lot nicer than I thought they would. John was right. You Catholic girls are fine as hell.”

The context made me feel so dirty. I had no idea my religious convictions could humiliate me so much. His tone brought color to my cheeks and I suddenly understood what shame truly was.

“Now the pants.” He prompted when I sat there stagnant for a moment. I stood up a little and pulled them off, kicking them off when they got to the floor. Tears were running down my cheeks before they even got to my knees however. I couldn’t believe what was happening—that he was actually there and planning to do such a horrible thing.

“Christ, you’re a little slut!” He said, looking down at my neatly trimmed bush. “No underwear huh? Were you expecting me to come in and fuck that little hole of yours? That’s what you wanted wasn’t it? You’ve been fantasizing about me coming in since that first night you noticed me staring in at you. I know you’ve wanted me.”

I managed to shake my head but he before I even got through the full motion, he slapped me across the face.

“I didn’t ask for a response.” He put the knife to the side of my neck. “Open my pants. Take a look at what’s in store for you tonight.”

I lifted my hands, defeated for the moment and tried to undo his pants. Between the cold in the room and my start terror, I had a hard time with the button but the zipper fell down quickly enough. Without any kind of restraint from underwear, his hard penis flopped out and bonked me on the nose, forcing me to draw back in startled surprise.

I’m not sure what I expected. Through the fear, I found myself to be moderately fascinated by his girth, the throbbing with each beat of his heart. He was so aroused… I wondered if it was from his position of power or because I was sitting there naked before him. Glancing up into his eyes, I could tell it was a combination of the two.

“Go ahead,” He encouraged, putting a hand on the back of my head and pulling me closer. “Suck it.”

I was mortified. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t! My mortal soul was at risk for what I was about to do—to suck his penis, to do as he said… How could he force me to do this? What kind of evil person did I inadvertently let into my life?

“Please,” I begged. “Don’t…”

Again the hand across my face. “Do anything but what I say again and I’ll just leave you for your parents to find. Another statistic in the paper’s crime net. Suck my fucking dick. Now. I want to see you pull it all the way in.” Once again, he pulled my head near.

I parted my lips and he slid it in just a little, wetting it against my tongue. I could taste the salty residue of his precum, it clung to the roof of my mouth as he started to move in and out. “Mmm, that’s nice.” He said quietly. “Take it with your hand. Jerk me off while I fuck your mouth.”

It was such a clumsy experience and yet despite my terror and humiliation, my body was reacting just as it had the night he touched my nipples… the night that I denied him and tore this beast out of him that was casually raping my mouth.

I gripped the base of his penis and firmly moved to his rhythm. He picked up the pace a bit, pushing his penis in further until it was tapping the back of my throat. I have no idea how I managed to not gag. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate—perhaps if I did a good job, it would all be over. Maybe if I pleased him, he’d leave me alone.

I rubbed the bottom of his cock with my tongue, applying suction as he pumped a little faster. His hand wrapped itself in my hair. In a sudden fit of inspiration, I moved my hand from his penis and took gentle hold of his smooth balls, tickling them. This brought a moan from his throat and he quivered, tensing up.

He picked up the pace a bit, pushing his penis in further until it was tapping the back of my throat. I have no idea how I managed to not gag. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate—perhaps if I did a good job, it would all be over. Maybe if I pleased him, he’d leave me alone.

I rubbed the bottom of his cock with my tongue, applying suction as he pumped a little faster. His hand wrapped itself in my hair. In a sudden fit of inspiration, I moved my hand from his penis and took gentle hold of his smooth balls, tickling them. This brought a moan from his throat and he quivered, tensing up.

“Oh God,” was the first coherent thing out of his mouth. “You really are a fucking whore…. Oh Christ, I’m going to cum… Take it all in your mouth, you slut. Don’t let any fall.” His cock had been stiffening for the last several moments and just when I thought I wouldn’t be able to take it anymore, he ejaculated, filling my mouth and pumping it down my throat.

His head was thrown back and he held my hair tightly. I was having a hard time swallowing it fast enough and had to exert all of my will not to choke. Tears blurred my vision and I had to close my eyes tightly in concentration. Finally, what seemed like an eternity later, he let out a deep breath and pulled his cock out.

“Good work,” He said, looking down at me as I gasped for breath. “You did very well.”

A moment later I found my voice and looked up at him. “Will you… will you go now?”

“That’s not very friendly to company, is it?” He asked mockingly. “Give me a minute and I’ll be ready to sample that Catholic pussy of yours. When I’m done with you, you’re going to be an easy little slut.”

“My parents will be home any minute.” I said defiantly. “You won’t get away with this.”

Jimmy chuckled. “Ah, that… Well, don’t worry I’ve been watching your place for a while now. I knew they were going out tonight. I even knew where. Know why? Because the party they’re going to was by invitation from my parents. I thought they had a lot in common so I told them I knew the perfect people to invite. They won’t be home for hours yet. Plenty of time for us to enjoy a long overdue experience wouldn’t you say?”

That was the last straw. I fell into a state of hysterics that I didn’t think I’d ever emerge from. To his credit, he didn’t interrupt but just watched, taking his shoes off to kick his pants off. As he finished getting undressed, he cleared his throat.

“You know, I don’t give a shit if you’re crying the whole time I fuck the shit out of you.” He stood up and stretched his pale, athletic body. Any other time I might’ve thought he was attractive. To me, at that moment, I saw a monster… I backed away. “Cute.” He said, stroking his member back to erection. “Don’t make me hurt you to do this.”

“You can’t do this!” I cried in pure futility and he back handed me so hard that I saw stars.

“I told you to keep fucking quiet!” Jimmy’s voice was a snarl. I was dazed from the blow and he turned me over on my stomach, spreading my legs and pushing me so I propped on my knees. I couldn’t resist at least, not at that moment. I felt a finger brush against my virgin pussy and he laughed. “Jesus Christ, you’re fucking enjoying this!” He brought his wet finger around and forced it in my mouth. “Taste that! You want this more than me!”

I wanted to say I didn’t but at that moment, his penis pressed at my hole. I felt like a caged animal but was too scared to fight. “Here goes, whore.” He leaned over to whisper in my ear and all at once forced himself inside me.

All at once, my breath left my body. Eyes wide, I couldn’t believe the sensation of pain and strange ecstasy I felt with him invading me so suddenly. He was saying something but I couldn’t understand. He could’ve been speaking in tongues for all I knew, my concentration was solely on the sensations racing up and down my nervous system like an out of control courier service with enough contradicting messages to confuse a super genius.

I couldn’t process thoughts or ideas. Emotions ravaged me—fear, arousal, pain, pleasure, excitement… He was raping me but somewhere in my soul, I enjoyed the hard cock. I had fantasized about it before certainly but had never thought to act on such a thing… never. And yet here the decision was made for me.

His hands moved around to my breasts, pulling me up to a sitting position as he began to fuck me. It took me nearly five minutes of being nothing more than a wet place for him to masturbate before I could react. The control I gained over my body was too inconsequential to fight back but as his rhythm steadied, I found myself enjoying the moment more than hating it. Somehow, despite myself, I wanted this though I’d never admit it.

I began to meet his thrusts, moaning along with him. His fingers tweaked my nipples, pinching and pulling, bruising them. I brought my hands up and gripped his hands, holding them tightly.

“I told you that you wanted this.” He said in my ear, biting the lobe. His cock was so hard and filled me completely. My breathing was ragged, my whole body alight like I was nothing more than a pile of tactile sensation.

My first orgasm came upon me in a flash like being slapped in the face. I gulped back a scream and tightened my muscles about his cock. The sudden change took a strangled cry from him and I felt his cock stiffen, pouring its second load deep into my vagina. He pulled me back into an embrace, his sweat covered chest made me shiver.

“Sleep well, Bea.” He said, pulling out of me and rising. “I’m sure we’ll do this again.”

I just laid there on the bed, quivering as he got dressed and left without another word. He still stares at my window. I still see his eyes watching me. I think about our encounter all the time, I fantasize… I touch myself. He broke down my barriers, he took away my inhibition. I lost a part of myself that night but the world opened up in such a dynamic way.

There were a hundred things I didn’t know but one I knew for sure. With a mixture of shame and guilt, I wanted it to happen again… I really did. I longed for the time he would come in from his sentinel position at the window, to take my body again… to give me more of what I couldn’t ask for but craved beyond any other necessity.

Until then, I had memories and an awakened imagination. Neither could rival his attentions but they would have to due.

Today featured my forced sex fantasies gallery